I don’t know what to do…
-This blog is currently on a semi-hiatus-
That’d make two of them. “Thank ya’! i worked hard to fit the look.”
"U…Um.. I’m sorry if this is personal, but.. do your parents ever get upset by the way you dress..? I m-mean, not to say that it’s weird or anything..!! It’s just.. unusual…so I wondered.."
"Chihiro-kun!" Koko gasped, running up to her friend and hugging him. "It’s been so long, how’ve you been? Still training? Ah you’re just as adorable as ever-" She rambled out quickly.
Chihiro was surprised -although delighted- to receive such an unexpected and energetic greeting from his friend. “K-Koko-san..! I’ve been training a bit, b..but I’ve fallen behind in my schedule a lot.. H..How have you been?”
Falling silent once more, Yoshitoki knew that the truth would come out sooner or later. But, at the same time, he’d never forgive himself if he guilt tripped Chihiro into not taking this opportunity. “Honestly? I want you to do whatever makes you happy. I mean, I’d really love if you stayed here with me-” he froze, but immediately started rambling after that. “But it’s really up to you. I’m not going to force you to stay, and I hope that school doesn’t force you to go over to America. That’s what I think. So, choose whichever you prefer.”
"O..Okay." Chihiro concluded quietly. He wasn’t exactly convinced by Yoshitoki’s answer. It sent him mixed signals— Did he want him to stay, or not? He was unsure. Of course, he genuinely believed that Yoshitoki wished him the best, but he had to have some sort of opinion on the matter, didn’t he? But Chihiro didn’t want to pry for the answer, in fear that he may become too much to handle.
"I’m not sure of what I want exactly, but.. I need to decide soon. I only have a few weeks left to give the school my final answer." Chihiro stated, staring blankly at the ground.
“Heh, heh! Thanks. Uh, I play punk rock, obviously. If ya’ couldn’t tell by the look.” He truly knows nothing about punk rock at all.
"O-Oh! Um, well I don’t know much about punk rock myself, but I do think you have a very nice style..!"
"T..Togami-kun, hello! I’ve been doing well..! How do you do?"
“Yeah, I quit in the beginnin’ of high school. I’ve been waitin’ on becomin’ a musician now! For… a few years now! It’ll come to me eventually.”
"A musician? Ahh.. That’s really cool, Kuwata-kun! What kind of music do you play?"
Yoshitoki felt relieved, but that was accompanied with guilt, to hear that Chihiro was hesitant about accepting the offer. He knew he had a chance to convince him to stay, but then again, who was he to put his own selfish needs before Chihiro’s? He hesitated a little before replying.
"Well, it all depends on what you want, really… If you feel it’ll be best for you and that you’ll enjoy it, you should go for it," he encouraged, before quickly adding in, "But if you feel like you’ll be too homesick or anything, or just feel like you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to. I’m sure whatever you’ll choose will make you happy!" Yoshitoki said, forcing himself to smile again.
"I k..know all of that already, but…" Chihiro interrupted himself, fearing that his words may come across as rude. He didn’t intend to sound that way, but he knew that he had to be honest with the other boy. "What I’m asking is… What do you want me to do? Your opinion means a lot to me.. I m…mean, we’re married, so please, I want to hear what you honestly think.”
”Of course not.” Offers a large, dumb grin. “Yeah, it makes playin’ in the heat a fuckin’ bummer. And on top of the fact I burn? It’s a nightmare. ‘m glad ‘m fuckin’ done with it.”
Chihiro smiled along with the other boy. “You’re done with it now?”
Taking the letter quietly from Chihiro, Yoshitoki began to read it, feeling a sense of dread build up inside him. Key words stuck out to him such as “America”, “scholarship”, and “boarding”. He reread the letter a few times, feeling conflicted.
Yoshitoki wanted desperately for Chihiro to do what made him happy. To get a place in a boarding school in America was an opportunity that couldn’t be passed up, and Nobu couldn’t feel more happy for his husband about that. At the same time, though, he knew that it would mean long-term separation. He remembered when he still lived in Shiroiwa, and how he felt not seeing Chihiro for a few weekdays. The idea of being away from him for such a long time would be unthinkable.
"This is… really great. You deserve this," Yoshitoki said to start, his tone soft. In his mind, he was telling himself not to be selfish, and keep Chihiro’s best interests at heart. "It’s really worth grabbing an opportunity like this. I’ll completely understand if you want to go, you know. Do whatever you really want to, okay?" he encouraged, trying to keep an enthusiastic tone. Yoshitoki was already beginning to regret not sharing how he completely felt about the situation, but he refused to put his own happiness before Chihiro’s.
Yoshitoki’s words shot through Chihiro’s mind like a sharp bullet. The other boy spoke to him so gently, and he was more supportive than Chihiro ever could have imagined. So then why do I suddenly feel so upset..? He asked himself in thought, although he dare not utter the words aloud.
"Thank you…" Chihiro mumbled quietly, his voice drifted off slowly. "It’s a very kind offer. It’s so unexpected, so I.. I’m a little uncertain about what I should do. My dad already urged me to do it.. He said it’s an offer that I can’t refuse.. but I.. I really don’t know, so.. I thought I’d ask what you think.."